9 Steps to communicating from greater alignment to your Higher Self
We have heard it, and likely said it ourselves many times, that relationships can be hard! We often react from the emotions that come from what triggers our ego, creating more discord and distance, while simultaneously wanting the peaceful and loving resolution. I believe one of our biggest lessons we came to Earth to learn is to master the ability to communicate and express ourselves within greater alignment to love. The greatest challenge to that is that we are more than just our Higher Self in this human form. We are also part ego, and the ego has its wants and needs and focuses more on acquiring those needs of the self in the present moment. It usually fails to do so within conflictual situations, so this article present steps you can take to have your egoic needs and wants met quickly while creating more positive and effective communications within your relationship.
While this article speaks more directly to romantic relationships, the tools provided can also be modified to use with family members, co-workers and any other troublesome relationship.
So how do we shift from our egoic POV to our Higher Self’s POV? It’s not always easy, especially at first, and some may find it much harder to do than others.
Here are some tips in mind to come from a place of love and from alignment to your Higher Self during relational conflicts:
1) Take your own wants and needs out for a moment while you try to understand what the other person is upset or triggered about. This can be difficult, but if you are able to do so, then you can then reach out with a statement of acknowledgement for how they must feel right now.
2) Place your hand on them as a gesture of love as you communicate with your partner. That is a very vulnerable space to go to. To do so, however, can shift the disagreement from a place that is spiraling out of control back into a space of greater understanding for greater more effective and positive communication. That does not mean you are sacrificing your own needs and wants at the moment. Instead you acknowledge them first, then you share how you feel, in what way you may have felt dismissed, unloved, etc, and then requesting what you are wanting to hear, or wanting them to do to feel like you are acknowledged.
3) When listening to your partner’s triggers, listen first without reacting. Acknowledge what seems real to them, even if you are coming from a completely different angel. To allow the other person to truly feel heard allows for a greater ease and flow with the rest of your conversation. You can then take your turn to lovingly and understandingly express your side.
4) Use words such as “I feel such and such when you say ________ (fill in the blank)” and “In my own experience, it sounded to me as if you were saying such and such.” To use such words is to not blame or accuse them of anything, which would keep triggers at bay for nobody likes to feel attacked or blamed. When we feel blamed or attack it quickly shuts down a conversation.
5) Take a few minutes of calmness while you are alone, pose the circumstance to your Higher Self and Spirit Guides/Angels, and then ask for guidance of how you should proceed/respond. The guidance will come fairly quickly, in a gentle way within your mind. Divine guidance always seeks to bring love and understanding to the situation. It does not ever promote greater hostility or conflict, so don’t listen to anything in your mind that may make things worse. Remember your ego and your Higher Self may both answer your question and it is up to you then to discern which is the guidance from your Higher Self.
6) Ask yourself, “How can I respond to this person that will elicit the response I want from them?” Take time in the moment to think about it, then communicate that and watch how that shifts the conversation. If what we ultimately want is for our partner to reach out and show some love, it would be counter-productive to react to them by yelling, saying for them to leave you alone (when you really don’t mean it!), by shutting down, or whatever it is we have all done to make communication worse, or shut down, rather than open up and allow for the peace and understanding to come in.
7) Ask yourself, “How can I respond that could open up the lines of communication to bring in more understanding, peace, and clarity? What do they want from me to feel acknowledged and/or accepted? How can I be more accepting of the place they are at right now?” Feel into the answers that come to your heart in response to these questions you ask yourself, then recognize that you yourself needs to be the one to shift out of your ego’s POV and into your Higher Self’s POV to receive this perspective of love and understanding.
8) Remember, it takes vulnerability to take your needs and wants out of the equation for a moment while you acknowledge how they must be feeling first, or inquiring what they are feeling to get them to open up and share what’s really going on with them so that you can empathize. Once you empathize, you can then share how the experience made you feel. More compassion, understanding, acceptance, clarity, peace and love are able to enter into the conversation at that point, and you are then communicating as your Higher Self would!
9) If this is too difficult in the heat of the moment, try having this conversation at a time when you and your partner are loving and connected to each other.
Maybe at first your partner is too upset to really hear the way you are reaching out, so it is important to stick to such awareness of how you communicate/respond to eventually elicit the response you want. Understand you may not get the response you are hoping for even when carefully choosing your words, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying. If you need to, in the calmer moments, explain what you were trying to do.
In putting those tips into practice, you begin truly shifting from communicating from your egoic’s perspective to the perspective of your Higher Self.
In closing, the most important question to ask yourself is, “What actions can I make that brings us closer to love?” Conversely, be aware of the actions you could make that may create greater disharmony and/or distance. From there you can be clear if the actions you take are aligned to your Higher Self. It generally requires you to be the vulnerable one, and definitely requires you to step out, at least for a moment, from whatever has triggered your egoic self. In the end, however, making actions that are aligned to your Higher Self are what will bring peace, love and harmony to the situation the quickest.
Our ego is as much a part of ourselves as our Higher Self. However, when our ego has triggers and it creates greater conflict rather than a loving resolution. This is an opportunity to align to Love and tap into the guidance and perspective of our Higher Self for a more positive way of communicating. When our communications shift from the POV of our ego to the POV and response of our Higher Self, relationships aren’t so difficult anymore. There is purpose in these relationships. We are given this opportunity to learn, grow, heal, evolve, and live in greater alignment with Love. This makes the whole process worth it! We always have the potential to evolve into more of a heart-based consciousness way of living. We need to do this work on an individual level, because only then will we collectively be able to live more from a heart-based consciousness. When we, collectively, are able to live from this heart-based consciousness, there will be greater peace on Earth.